Huh?
by Baxley McTedders
Summary: Gail/Holly. Post 5.10
1. Chapter 1

"Tell me again," Holly said, wine glass in hand as she paced the length of her kitchen. "Because I'm not so sure I understand."

"You have to meet her," Gail told her enthusiastically. "She's amazing. The coolest kid I've ever met."

"I have no doubt about that." Holly took a long drink and switched out her glass with the whole bottle. "If you're willing to adopt a child, she'd just about have to be the coolest one."

"Hol."

"Gail," Holly pinned her with a look. "You can't just decide to adopt a kid."

"Yes, I can," Gail told her. "I can. I'm an adult. I can decide to do anything I want."

"But…you live in a room with two twenty something boys," Holly pointed out. "One's in rehab! The other is…well, Dov."

"I can move," Gail said. "I've recently had experience in moving, actually."

"Since when?"

"Since a few days ago!"

"You don't even like to move groceries from the car to the house, Gail."

"True, but I can do it if I have to."

"You will," Holly said. "You'll have to. You can't raise a child there."

"Plus, speaking of Chris," Gail knew it was weak going in, but she couldn't seem to stop, "he was raising a kid for a while. And if Chris can do it…"

"Yeah," Holly nodded and took another drink. "Look how well that turned out."

"Not well…"

"One word: Kidnapping."

"Holly, c'mon, that wasn't Chris' fault."

"Okay, I'm going to ask a question that I hope doesn't come off sounding really snobby," Holly prefaced, "but can you even afford this?"

"Yeah."

"Really, Gail?" Holly questioned. "Have you saved any money? Do you have any idea how much it costs to raise a kid? Feed them, clothe them?"

"I can do it," Gail said seriously. "I can be the person Sophie needs. It should be me."

"Why you?"

"Because," Gail was adamant. "I care the most, dammit. It's got to be me."

"Us," Holly said.

"Huh?"

"Us," she repeated. "You really mean, it's got to be us." Holly set the bottle of wine down and sat on one of the barstools. "You're here, so I assume you want us-"

"Yes!"

"-to work out."

"Of course," Gail said. "I want you. I'd be an idiot not to want you."

Holly sighed, "I want you, too."

"I can do both," Gail was sure. "I can do this with you and I can adopt her."

"It's not either/or." Holly ran a hand through her hair, mostly in frustration. "You can't compartmentalize your life like that. It wouldn't be fair to me or us or that little girl and your relationship with her. It's either _you_ or it's _us_."

"Meet her."

"I can't believe we're even discussing this," Holly said. "We're barely together. I don't even know that we are."

"We are," Gail said firmly. "I'm in this. You're in this. We're together."

"This is instant family territory." Holly took a deep breath, the weight of that sentence hitting her. "We're supposed to do a plant first. Then maybe a dog…or actually discuss an actual commitment, maybe. Yeah, that would be good. This is worse than U-Hauling."

"I can't help the timing here," Gail shrugged. "I can't just let her take her chances in the system."

"You should have told me."

"When?" Gail asked. "When you were dating someone else?"

"Yesterday at the station, maybe," Holly suggested. "Instead of letting me think you had a date."

"Yesterday at the station you acted like you just downed a bottle full of lady viagra and injected a pint of vodka directly in your veins before coming over to get down with me out of the blue while I was _working_," Gail recapped from her perspective. "You would have gone ahead with that plan if I hadn't cut you off."

Holly's eyebrows lifted, sure that those were indeed inaccuracies. "Nuh uh."

"Holly…"

"What?"

"You were on a mission," Gail said, reaching over to grab the bottle of wine. She took a swig. "The mission was me."

"I missed you!"

"I could tell," Gail smirked. She slid off her stool and turned Holly's chair to face her. "It was pretty obvious."

"Was it?" Holly asked, her voice low and seductive. She pulled Gail in by her hips and placed her between her own knees. "I wasn't sure I was getting the point across."

"I got the point."

"Good," Holly whispered. Her hands fluttered up Gail's arms, over her shoulders, and onto her neck. She gave just a slight tug and let Gail fall the rest of the way into her. "I want you, too."

"Mm," Gail moaned, enjoying Holly's thumbs stroking her jawline. "Are you sure?"

Holly stopped. "Yeah, of course."

"Because you were dating someone else yesterday," Gail reminded her. "Literally, yesterday."

Holly groaned. "It wasn't serious."

"You were together, though," Gail said. "If you 'broke up' then you were together."

"Together-ish."

"Did you sleep with her?"

Holly gave her a warning look.

"Did you?"

"Gail."

"I'm asking."

"You don't want to know."

Gail winced at that and pulled away.

"No," Holly tried to keep her in place. "Gail..."

"I'm not mad," Gail said quickly. "I'm just not…thrilled."

Holly looked up at the ceiling, hoping for answers. She contemplated it for a few minutes before leveling her gaze back on Gail. "I thought you were done. I was devastated. I was a mess. I went for a Hail Mary and jumped into dating someone else. It wasn't smart. It didn't work. I still was hung up on you the entire time. Yes, I did sleep with her. Twice. It wasn't great. It wasn't even good because I felt guilty about it. She wasn't you and all I wanted was you."

"You kept dating her even after I told you that I…even after I said what I said."

"You hurt me, Gail," Holly explained. "I was scared. I still am."

"Don't be."

"That's easy for you to say," Holly said. "She was safe. She wasn't going to hurt me."

"Taking Lisa's advice, I see."

"Gail, don't," Holly shook her head. "Just don't."

"I was pretty hurt, too, you know."

Holly held out her hand, curling her fingers to beckon Gail closer. When Gail didn't move, she said, "Come here."

Gail narrowed her eyes.

Holly lifted up slightly, just enough to reach her and pull her closer. When Gail was situated back in front of her, she smiled. "Hi."

"Hey."

"I still don't know what the hell happened that night," Holly said as she brushed Gail's hair back over her forehead and off to the side. "I don't know how it spun out of control so fast. All I know is that I was…in love with this amazing woman-"

Gail's eyes flicked up to hers, paying extra attention all of a sudden.

"-one second and we were done the next."

Gail licked her lips, "Me, too. I'm not sure I really knew it that night yet."

"I did," Holly confessed. "I did and that's why I was so shocked."

"I'm sorry."

"No," Holly leaned in and brushed her lips against Gail's. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry you overheard her say those things. I'm sorry I didn't set her straight right there. I'm sorry I didn't tell you how I was feeling."

Gail let her lips slide against Holly's slowly, leisurely before resting her forehead against Holly's. "You think you can do this with me?"

Holly bit her lip, "It's not how I would have planned it."

"I know."

"We would be married," Holly said wistfully. "Have a few years under our belts of just us. Enjoyed each other."

"We can still enjoy each other, Hol."

"This is big, Gail."

"I know."

"It's not a decision we can make lightly."

"I know," Gail said again. "Meet her. Please. Just meet her."

Holly closed her eyes, conjuring up the strength to do what she was about to do. "Okay, Gail. I'll meet her."

* * *

**A/N: I'm straight up Paula Abdul confused about everything I saw tonight. Sorry if this overtly reflects that confusion.**


	2. Chapter 2

"What do you mean, you don't like him?" Gail asked, disbelief etched on her face. "I thought everybody under fourteen liked him?"

"He's old news," Sophie said, dismissing that notion with a wave of her hand. The other hand clutched an ice cream cone, which she licked happily.

"Old news?" Gail clutched her chest. "I kinda like him."

"You're kinda old," Sophie smiled.

"Ah," Gail narrowed her eyes playfully. "I see what you did there." Gail glanced across the picnic table. "Did you know this, Hol?"

Holly was sort of in awe of what she was seeing, so she'd become a spectator for most of the afternoon. So much so, it took a second for it to register that Gail was talking to her. "Oh…uh…yeah, I did, actually."

"How?" Gail demanded.

"I have a niece about your age," Holly winked at Sophie. "She lets me know what's cool and what's not."

"You really need some help like that, Gail," Sophie said as she tapped Gail's arm. "'And Bieber is definitely not!"

"That's why I have you, kiddo," Gail pulled very gently on one of Sophie's braids. "You have to _tell me_ these things." In the midst of Sophie laughing, Gail glanced out of the corner of her eye to see Holly. "Ice cream's melting," she said as she noticed some vanilla drip onto Holly's hand.

Holly, who had been riveted to the scene, just nodded.

"Hol," Gail pointed to the mess. "Ice cream."

"What?" Holly asked. "Oh," she raised her hand in the air and tried to comically shake it off. "Yeah, it is."

Sophie laughed at that, too. She waited until after Holly had used a napkin to wipe off her hands before asking, "What's her name?"

"My niece?"

Sophie nodded as she took another bite of ice cream.

"Sydney."

"She's eight?"

"Nine," Holly answered. "And a half. The half is very important to her."

"Does she live here?"

"Not too far away," Holly said.

That seemed to satisfy her for a moment.

Gail couldn't help but smile at the interaction between the two of them. She couldn't kick the feeling that her life was coming together in these moments. Two forces were merging as her eyes flicked between the woman that rocked her world in a million different ways and this kid that had somehow given her some higher sense of purpose.

Holly caught the dreamy look in Gail's eye and winked at her.

Sophie looked between them while she took another lick of her cone. "So, this is your BFF?" she asked Gail curiously.

"Yeah," Gail said. "You could say that."

"Your best friend or your girlfriend?" Sophie inquired. "'Cause some girls have girlfriends. My neighbor, Cindy, had a girlfriend."

"She did?" Gail asked, not really prepared for any explanation of what Holly was or wasn't to her.

"Yep," Sophie answered. She took another bite and moved right on. "Yum."

"You're perceptive," Gail told her.

Sophie had no idea what that meant, so her eyes got really big, "Is that bad?"

Gail laughed, "No, no," she said quickly. "That's good! Really good. You'd make a great cop."

"That's what I'm going to be!" Sophie said.

"No pressure," Gail shrugged. "Be whatever you want. You have a lot of time to decide."

"Are you a police woman, too?" Sophie asked Holly.

"No," Holly said as her chin rested on her hand.

"She's a doctor," Gail said, almost conspiratorially. "Cool, huh?"

"Do you see a lot of gross stuff?" Sophie asked her.

The question must have taken Holly by surprise because she looked at Gail before answering.

"Do you?" Gail asked her as if the question was weighing on her mind as well.

"Probably more than most," Holly eventually said laughing at Gail's faux enthusiasm for the the answer.

"One of my friends from school got a peanut stuck in his ear last year," Sophie informed them. "He had to have a doctor get it out. You seen anything grosser than that?"

"That's hard to beat," Holly said, humoring her. "I can honestly say, I've never seen a ear packed with peanuts."

"Oh," the kid looked disappointed.

"Hey, look who it is," Gail pointed across the open playground.

Sophie's social worker was making her way toward them and that made the kid look even more disappointed. "Already?"

"Looks like it," Gail frowned.

Holly looked over her shoulder at the woman approaching and sighed. The afternoon had been far too revealing for her to want to be over already.

"Are you going to come see me again?" Sophie asked suddenly.

There was just a hint of desperation that hurt Gail's heart. "Of course," she said. "I haven't missed a week yet, have I?"

"No," the girl said.

"Hi," Marlene greeted them as she walked up on the scene. "Did you have a good time with Officer Gail?"

"Yes!" Sophie shouted.

"Good," Marlene smiled. "Why don't you go play for a few minutes while I talk to her, huh?"

Sophie was pretty reluctant to leave, but she gave Gail a hug and went to do just that.

"How are you?" Marlene asked Gail.

"Great," Gail nodded vigorously. "Still very committed to this," she said.

"Good," Marlene smiled at her before turning to Holly. "Dr. Stewart, I presume?"

Holly seemed a bit surprised that the lady already knew who she was. "Yes, Holly Stewart."

"Gail said you'd be here, today."

Holly just nodded not quite knowing what she knew or how it might affect things.

"I usually don't think it's a great idea to introduce people that may or may not be around long term," Marlene stated.

"That's understandable," Holly said.

"But Gail assured me that this was an important step," she said.

Holly glanced at Gail.

Gail glanced away.

"Alright," Marlene said, sensing a ripple of tension. "I'll be seeing you."

"You will," Gail said confidently. "Soon."

Gail didn't take her off eyes off the kid as she walked away hand in hand with the woman. Holly eventually draped her arm over Gail's shoulder.

"Well?" Gail asked her, still looking at Sophie's retreating form. "What did you think?"

"Traci once alluded to some kind of Gail plus children phenomenon," Holly said. "But it's one of those things you have to see to believe."

"I mean, what did you think about Sophie?"

"She's amazing," Holly answered. "Smart. Tough. Has one hell of a little personality. Kinda reminds me of you."

"Yeah?" Gail seemed positively thrilled about the possibility.

"Yeah."

Neither of them said much on the drive back to Holly's house. Gail kept waiting for something, but Holly just drove in silence. Contemplative silence, it seemed.

When they got back, Holly parked and got out of the car without saying a word. She waited for Gail to catch up and held out her hand so they could walk in together. She kept a hold of Gail's hand as she unlocked the door, let her pass and then nudged the door shut with her foot.

"Is this the silent treatment or the cold shoulder?" Gail asked, trying to infuse some humor.

"Neither," Holly shrugged. "Just thinking."

"About?"

"Everything."

"Wanna narrow that down?"

Holly settled herself on the couch, folding her hands behind her head. "I don't think I can right now. It's...well...it's a lot."

"I know," Gail said as she made her way over. She stood awkwardly in front of Holly for a second, not really knowing what to do or what to say.

Holly sensed her uncertainty and shifted herself around so that Gail would have some room. "Come on, BFF," she said cheekily, patting the empty space.

"Was that okay?" Gail asked shyly. "I mean, what do you say to an eight year old?"

"The truth," Holly answered. "There's absolutely nothing wrong or bad about you having a girlfriend, Gail. You tell the truth."

"Yeah," Gail nodded.

"She doesn't seem bothered," Holly went on. "I don't think it's a big deal, but you should be honest about it if she asks again. Don't make it a big deal and it won't be."

"Hm," Gail took it in. "Makes sense."

"Are you going to stand there all night?" Holly asked her, making sure to highlight all the space between them. "Or are you going to get over here beside me?"

Gail rolled her eyes good naturedly before dropping down and letting Holly curl into her back. She wrapped one arm over her shoulder and the other around her waist. "I've got you," Holly said.

"You do," Gail whispered, hopefully interjecting a bit more meaning behind the words.

"Soooo..." Holly took a deep breath and hugged Gail tighter. "I'm going to say things."

"K."

"You may not like them."

Gail swallowed hard. "Okay."

"First," Holly said quietly, tapping one finger against Gail's chin. "Watching you with Sophie today was nearly magical. I have no doubt that you care for her. That you love her. I can see it. She can feel it. She's pretty enamored with you, too."

"You think?"

"Absolutely."

"But?" Gail was waiting for it. "You don't think I can do it?"

"Oh, I know you could do it," Holly said. "I know you. I know you like a challenge. I know that you care hard and love big."

"So..."

"I also know that a few weeks ago you got mad at me and shut me out. Completely. For weeks. You can't do that to a kid, Gail."

"You don't think I know that?" Gail asked, turning a little to face Holly.

"I would have thought you knew not to do it to your girlfriend, but..."

"That's different," Gail snapped.

"Oh?" Holly's eyebrow arched. "Different how?"

"It just is."

"You were just telling me you still act like a teenager," Holly reminded her.

"Don't use that against me!"

"I'm not," Holly said. "I'm not using anything against you, Gail. I'm not attacking you. I'm talking to you. I'm trying to get you to see the big picture here. The picture that has you living in a tiny apartment with roommates and blowing all your money on booze."

"And?"

"And..." Holly sighed. "There's nothing wrong with that, if that's what you choose to do." Holly smoothed down a section of Gail's hair that had gotten ruffled. "But, you can't do it with a child. Your life is going to change. I want you to be ready for it."

"I've thought this through. I know it'll change. I know I have to be a grown up," Gail assured her. "And no offense, Hol, but you're a little late to the game here."

"Because you let me be," Holly said. "It's not like I didn't want to be with you."

"Really?" Gail let out a humorless laugh. "Because if I recall, you were with someone else...doing god knows what..."

"Gail." It was tone that Gail definitely recognized. She was treading on thin ice with that.

"I was with someone else because I _couldn't_ be with you."

"Use 'em and abuse 'em, eh, Hol?"

"Not fair." Holly shifted quickly, trying to untangle herself which was nearly impossible considering Gail was on top of her arm.

"No, no, no," Gail panicked. She pulled at her. "Holly, don't. Stop."

She did. She stopped and took a deep, calming breath. She settled back down into her space. "Don't get mad at me because you don't agree. That's what I'm talking about."

Gail pursed her lips, knowing that Holly had a point. A very valid point, at that.

"I'm just playing devil's advocate, okay?"

Gail refused to look at her, she just closed her eyes and let her head drop back down onto the couch.

"Gail," Holly shook her. "Be an adult and acknowledge that I'm talking to you."

"I can hear you," Gail said. "I'm thinking."

"I don't want you to get in over your head," Holly said. "I'm not trying to be mean. I'm trying to look out for you."

"I'm trying to look out for her, though," Gail said suddenly, fiercely. "Isn't that more important? It's a kid. She's got nobody. _Nobody_, Holly. Nobody but me."

"But she can have you without you being completely responsible the entire rest of her life," Holly told her. "Especially when you're just starting to figure out your own."

"People become parents before they're ready all the time."

"When they have to!"

"Well," Gail shrugged. "I have to."

Holly waited a really long time before she said anything else. She waited so long that Gail wondered if she had fallen asleep.

When she did say something, it was, "Okay, Gail."

"Okay what?"

"I don't know," Holly said honestly. "I'm torn between knowing you'll be the very best mom you can possibly be and wondering if you have any idea what you're getting yourself into."

"Trust me," Gail said. "Just trust me, okay."

"I do…" Holly kissed Gail's neck. "With me. With us. I trust you. I know we're finally on the same page."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I think we need time before we're parents, Gail."

"We don't have it."

"You're sort of making a unilateral decision."

"I had already made it before you came at me lips first," Gail replied. "If I had known-"

"What?" Holly angled herself to get a look at Gail's face. "Would that have changed things? Knowing we were an option?"

"I…" Gail had to stop to think about it. She wasn't quite sure if she liked her answer. "I don't know."

Months could have passed in the silence that took over. They continued to rest there, side by side. They stayed, lost in their own thoughts, but together.

"I can do it," Gail eventually announced.

"I love you. Whatever happens, know that."

"I do."

"Good."

Gail closed her eyes. "I love you, too."


	3. Chapter 3

They had skated through it. They had talked around it. They had ignored it for the most part. That was quite the feat considering Gail's wicked ability to seek and destroy the elephant in the room. But, the lack of communication about that particular topic seemed to be way to deal with it for now. It was buying them time.

Gail hadn't gotten a yes from Holly. Holly hadn't left for greener pastures with no orphaned children. They were living exclusively in the present. It was a sight to behold, a home littered with eggshells.

As far as that other thing, everything was going as planned. If 'planned' was indeed at a snail's pace. Despite Gail's anxiety, she had to remind herself that it had only been a week or so. Adoption was a process.

Reconciliation was also a process.

It was, for lack of a better term, a tentative reconciliation. They had settled in a holding pattern. Holding patterns looked a whole lot like hanging out like they used to, it turns out. No talk of the future, for now. It was an unspoken agreement. Gail had made her decision. Holly had yet to make hers. They both knew the time was coming, though.

And it did.

Holly had made a plate of chocolate chip cookies with nuts, just like Gail liked them. They were snacking on them while sitting on her couch. Well, Holly was sitting. Gail was stretched across the cushions, taking up as much space as her small body could possibly manage. Her head was resting on Holly's thigh as Holly combed through blonde locks. The movie they had been watching had just started rolling credits and Gail was just about to switch the television over to watch some reality dating show that she'd never admit to anybody that she actually liked.

"What if something happens to you?" Holly nearly whispered.

Gail almost didn't hear it. She actually only caught some of it, but she was pretty sure by the look on Holly's face that she could put it together.

"It won't," Gail said, only looking at her briefly then returning her gaze to the television.

"It has before," Holly said. "Stuff is always happening around you…to you. What if something happens and Sophie has to deal with yet another dead mother?"

"Why are you going there?" Gail said in a move to push the question off. "Why would you even ask that?"

"Because I've been thinking about it for days," Holly said. "I always did before. I also worried that something would happen, something would take you away from me. But, now, I worry for me _and_ her."

"You shouldn't worry so much."

"Oh, okay, I'll just stop." The sarcasm dripped all over Holly's living room floor.

"The probability of something _not_ happening to me is greater than the alternative," Gail said. "I can't not adopt Sophie because of something that will probably never happen. That's crazy talk."

"So you've thought about that."

"Even if it did," Gail said as she looked Holly right in the eye. "She'd have you, right?"

"Hm," Holly mumbled, averting the stare.

"It would be the same if we had a kid of our own," Gail informed her. It wasn't like the idea hadn't tugged at the back of her mind. They could have their own kids, too, someday. Then it occurred to her that she'd never asked the question.

"You want kids, right, Hol?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "I always thought that when the time was right…sure."

Gail smiled, "I never thought I did until now. My parents were so douchey that I figured I'd suck at it."

"You won't," Holly said quickly, brushing a strand of hair off Gail's forehead. "You won't suck at parenthood, Gail."

"I know," Gail replied.

"You'll be amazing."

The way she said it struck Gail as odd for some reason. She sat up and turned around, facing Holly. "We."

Holly didn't respond to that. She just let her hands rest in her lap.

"We will be amazing, Holly," Gail said, grabbing for one and pulling Holly's hand into her lap. "We're going to rock this."

"When I thought about those kids, I might have," Holly started softly, "I imagined that the person I'd have them with would be amazing, you know?"

"Sure."

"That we'd be together and committed and solid."

Gail was starting to get antsy as she shifted around on the couch, Holly's hand slipping away. "Everybody hopes for that. Sometimes it doesn't work out like you think."

"And sometimes you need to be sure how deep the water is before you take a head first dive."

"A shallow creek lesson?" Gail grinned, albeit nervously. "Just the kind of anecdote that our kids will groan at, Hol."

"Gail…"

"We can get back to where we were," Gail said in an attempt to stop wherever this conversation might be going.

"And where were we?" Holly asked seriously. "We were at the beginning of a relationship that _seemed_ really promising."

"Promising," Gail chuckled. "Yeah, I guess. We can go back to promising."

"I know you think I'm kidding, but really, Gail."

"What?"

"We need more time."

Gail sort of held her hands up like she didn't have a solution. "Time is not on our side."

"Exactly."

The air in the room seemed heavier all of a sudden. Gail could nearly feel it pushing on her shoulders.

"You don't want to do this," Gail said. It wasn't a question, it was an epiphany.

The subtle sway of Holly's head took a moment to register.

"No?"

"I can't say no," Holly said. "I can't say no, I won't. Not really. Because what's going to happen? You walk away from Sophie and resent me? You walk away from me and we're both unhappy?"

"I backed you into a corner, I know," Gail said, not able to meet her eyes. "It's hard-"

"It's impossible," Holly said. "It's an impossible decision to make. I can't say yes and make a commitment to you without making a commitment to her as well. And we're not talking about a dog or apartment or something we can split down the middle, Gail. It's a kid. I can't do that when there's a child involved. I can't do it not knowing if we can withstand this."

"I think we can."

"You think?" Holly just smiled sadly and slowly shook her head. "Not good enough."

"What then?"

"I can't say no and deliberately fuck any chance we have at making us work either," Holly stated. "I love you, Gail. I'm in love with you. I want to be with you. More than anything."

"I love you, too!" Gail nearly shouted it at her.

"I know, I know."

"So what do we do?"

Holly wiped a tear from her cheek and blinked away the ones sure to follow. She physically shook herself out of whatever emotional chains that seemed to have wrapped her up in the last week. It had gone too far, she decided. The couldn't pretend. They couldn't play house.

"You're going to look me in the eye and tell me that you're sure about this. Tell me that this is what you were meant to do. Tell me, make me believe it," Holly said, struggling to get it out. "Then I'm going to be as selfless as I've ever been, even though I don't want to. I'm going to do it, even if I think it's the shittiest thing I've ever had to do-"

"Hol," Gail knew what was coming and her throat went dry. A lump settled and the emotion of what was happening started to rush through her all at one.

"-and I'm going to let you be the person you were meant to be…for her." Holly squeezed her eyes shut, willing the tears to stop so could feign strength. "I'm going to let you go, Gail."

"No," Gail lunged toward her. She wiped the tears off Holly's face. "Hey, Hol…" she waited until Holly met her eyes. "No, no. You're not letting me go. No. You're not that fucking noble, so stop it."

"I'm not going to make you choose," Holly said through labored breaths.

"Then don't."

"What's the other option, Gail?" Holly finally managed. "I don't see a way out of this."

It was sobering. And not in the way that Gail was used to.

Holly was right.


	4. Chapter 4

"That's ridiculous," Gail pointed at the project that Holly was working on so diligently. "You are being ridiculous right now."

She had meticulously built the internal organs of the human body out of play-doh and packed them all into a doll that she'd pulled the stuffing out of. It was half genius/half creepy/all Holly Stewart.

"It's going to win the Science Fair," Holly said, completely sure of herself. "No ten year old can beat this."

"Tommy O'Leary cloned a centipede," Gail said. "I think he's got this in the bag."

"What?" Holly looked up from the play-doh spleen that she fitting in just the right spot, "What a little jerk."

"His dad is like a molecular biologist or something." Gail tilted her head to watch Holly adjust the positioning with a giant pair of tweezers. "I met him at the Spelling Bee."

"Is that the one who smelled like garlic and despair?"

"The one and only."

"Not impressed," Holly said as she crafted her second set of clay ribs. She looked around the room sensing that they were missing somebody. "Where's Sophie anyway?"

"She was bored as hell," Gail told her. "Went to bed an hour ago."

"Ah."

"Yeah, I tucked her in somewhere between the large and small intestine. "You were way too into it to stop you."

Holly set the ribs over her small (and incredibly close to scale) organs and smiled at a job well done. "I may have gotten carried away."

"Maybe," Gail shrugged as she looked over the masterpiece. "But she appreciates it. Said to tell Aunt Holly thanks a billion."

"Aww," Holly smiled. "Tell her it was my pleasure. Anything she needs, she knows that."

"She does," Gail said. She had taken the opportunity of peering at Holly's work to rest her chin on the other woman's shoulder. "I do, too."

Holly turned her head just slightly. Just enough that her lips barely brushed Gail's cheek. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the closeness for a few seconds.

"Thanks," Gail whispered. "I was never any good at this kind of stuff."

"You're welcome," Holly said just as quietly.

A creak made Gail step away and look up the staircase, where she expected to see Sophie. She wasn't there. She looked back at Holly, who was smiling at her knowingly.

"Does she have her glass of water?" Holly asked eventually.

"Yeah," Gail answered, putting her hands in her pockets. She walked around her kitchen table, giving the wood a good solid knock. She opened the fridge, looked around and closed it. "Hmm," she let the sound pass her lips as she circled back to the table and placed her hands on the back of a kitchen chair.

"What?" Holly asked, watching her the whole time.

"What what?"

"You're anxious," Holly said. "What's up?"

"I'm not."

"You are."

"No," Gail denied it adamantly. She pulled the chair back a few inches and then shoved it back under the table.

"Birthday party all planned?"

"Yeah," Gail said. "Theme picked. Invitations sent."

"Eleven's a tricky age," Holly kidded. "Entering the dreaded pre-teens."

"Are you bringing her?"

Holly cleared her throat, completely understanding the sudden change in direction. "No."

"Sophie doesn't like her."

"Sophie doesn't or you don't?"

"Neither of us do," Gail said. "We both think you can do better."

"You're discussing my dating habits with Sophie?" Holly leaned back in her chair. "Really, Gail?"

"She's the one who brought it up," Gail countered. "You're always telling me to be honest, tell the truth…be forthcoming…you're pretty redundant, actually, now that I'm thinking about it."

"Yeah, well," Holly vacated her seat and headed toward the fridge. "She thought so, too."

Gail, aiming for nonchalance and failing miserably, leaned against the cabinet just to Holly's left. "Oh? What happened?"

Holly fished out the organic juice that Gail always had on hand for her. She opened it by twisting off the top and flung it on the counter. She took a drink before explaining. "I flaked off dinner to go to a Grade 5 production of The Fathers of Confederation."

"And it was awesome," Gail said, pride evident.

"She was less than amused."

"Oh well."

"Oh well?" Holly laughed sarcastically. "Of course, you'd say that."

"She sucked," Gail said unapologetically. "Good riddance, Carol."

"Stacey."

"Oh!" Gail's fought back a smile. "No wonder she kept getting so pissed when I called her Carol."

"Why do I keep introducing you to people I'm dating?"

Gail picked up Holly's discarded cap and rolled it between her fingers. "Because I'm your best friend and you value my opinion?"

"Nope," Holly answered.

"Because my kid is your second favorite person in the world?"

"That's debatable," Holly said, chuckling. Then tacked on for clarification, "The 'second favorite' part, not the 'your kid' part."

"Because you're still crazy in love with me and want me to find fault in everyone you date?"

Holly stopped laughing.

Gail held her breath.

Minutes passed before Holly finally said, "Nah, probably the first option."

"Sophie asked me why."

Holly was pretty much a genius in figuring out Gailspeak, all its starts and stops and abrupt changes of pace. That's how she knew there would be more.

"She _wants_ us to be together."

"She's a child," Holly said in response. "We're the two most constant presences in her life. Of course, she wants us to be together."

"I want us to be together. You want us to be together," Gail continued. "She can see it."

"Gail, that's not fair."

"Hey," Gail shrugged. "I adopted a kid and it meant I had to lose you for two years, I'm not above using the same kid to get you back."

Holly bit her lip. She looked Gail over, judging her sincerity.

"Just have dinner with me," Gail offered. "Tomorrow. Sophie will be with Steve, Traci, and Leo at a movie. It could be just the two of us. I'll cook for you."

The same creak as before sounded again which drew Holly's attention away. There was a pause before they made out the soft padding of footsteps above them.

Holly pointed at the ceiling, "What's that about?"

Gail tried to assume innocence. "Don't know."

"Does she know…" Holly gestured between the two of them, "…about this?"

"This what?"

"Did you plan this?"

"Plan what?"

"Gail!"

"Geez, quiet down," Gail scoffed. "Yes, okay. She knows I was going to ask you out…sometime…soon…maybe. She said I should do it tonight, gave me one heck of a pep talk."

Holly lowered her voice to a harsh whisper, "Thanks a lot!"

"What?"

"Now I can't say no."

"Like you were going to anyway?" Gail smirked. "You weren't.

"I could have."

"Listen," Gail said. "You said solid and committed-"

"I said what?"

"That night," Gail took a deep breath. "The night we broke up…again…you said that's what you needed. Solid and committed. We've been solid and committed for a couple years now, Hol."

"Solid, committed, and _together_," Holly mentioned. "Not quite the same thing."

"Almost," Gail argued. "Just…" she looked around the kitchen to double check and put her hands up and mouthed, "sexless."

Holly's eyes immediately narrowed.

"Okay, not entirely," Gail smiled widely while reaching out to grab Holly's hand.

"I don't know," Holly said, shifting her eyes away. "I can't risk it…especially now. I can't lose you…or _her_ if it doesn't work out-"

"It will," Gail said resolutely. "And I know I've said that before, but I know it will, okay. Back then, I was an idiot and I gave you every reason in the world to doubt that we'd work. I know that. I made rash decisions and did and said some stupid stuff, but that was then. I've grown up. You and Sophie taught me how to grow up. You've taught me how to put others first and more importantly, how to be happy doing it."

Holly stared at her. She stared at Gail, knowing that she was right. Gail had become the person Holly always knew she was, mostly because Gail believed in herself finally.

"So, you're cooking?"

"Does that mean yes?"

Holly smiled in that adorable lopsided way she has, "The last four times you've cooked for me have been mac and cheese."

"Well." Gail intertwined their fingers. "There's an excellent chance we'll go for five."

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow."

Holly nodded once in confirmation and headed toward the front door.

Gail walked her out, both of them lingering just a few seconds before Holly looked up and saw Sophie standing near the top of the staircase.

"'Bout time," Sophie called with a grin.

"Go to bed!" Holly and Gail said in unison.

* * *

**a/n: i felt like this needed a happy ending even tho i think the storyline is a big giant ball of suck. **

**-bitter baxmct**


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